Serial: Down the River – Chapter Twenty-Eight Part Two

I’m finally revisiting the characters from The River City Chronicles nine years after their original timeline. I’ll be running the series weekly here on my blog, and then will release it in book form at the end of the run. Hope you enjoy catching up with all your faves and all their new secrets!

Today, Sam and his friends say their final goodbyes to Brad, Well, mostly…

< Read Chapter 28 Pt One | Read Chapter 29 >

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Chapter Twenty-Eight Part Two
Red-Tailed Hawk

The car pulled into the parking lot, shaded by massive oak trees. Carmelina turned around in her seat, putting her hand on his knee. “You ready, darling?”

Sam took a deep breath and nodded. “Ready as I’ll ever be.” He got out of the car, taking the duffel bag with him. All around them, others were arriving, parking their vehicles and emerging from them silently. No one said a word. It was as if this were sacred ground, and everyone knew that to speak would break the spell.

With a sigh, Sam turned toward the path that led up to the Nature Center, and his friends fell in behind him. He felt like Moses leading his people out of Egypt to the Promised Land. I doubt the waters will part for me.

The path wound through the trees, their dappled light creating a patchwork of brown earth and golden yellow grass. Things were a bit dry already with the advent of summer, but the air still held that unmistakable scent of forest, even if the trees were separated here and there by open meadows.  It was remarkable that such a place existed, so close to the hustle and bustle of Sacramento. He and Brad used to go there for long walks on Sunday mornings, marveling at the deer, hawks, and other wildlife that populated the little slice of land alongside the American River.

They passed the two buildings that comprised the center itself, and a sign that said:

“This is a protected nature study area. Take only memories. Leave only footprints.”

Sam glanced at the duffel sack he carried with his right hand. He’d be leaving something more than footprints today.

The people behind him had started to speak softly among themselves, a low murmur like the babble of a brook. Sam didn’t mind. It made the whole thing a little less weird. 

At last, they reached his favorite spot near the northeastern part of the nature refuge, where some of the trees grew right on the riverbank, dangling their roots in the water. It was usually quiet and peaceful, but that afternoon someone was mowing their lawn in the neighborhood that bordered the preserve to the north. As the crowd filed around him in a half-circle, the sound faded away, leaving them with just the cawing of crows in the trees and the tumbling of the water behind him.

Sam looked around. His closest friends were all there. Carmelina and Daniele. Marissa and her new friend. Ricky and Alyn. Dave and Marcos. Diego and Matteo. And Ben. He’d lost Ella last year—he would understand how Sam was feeling, more than most. 

Sam set down the duffel on a wide rock, took a deep breath, and found the words he wanted to say. “Brad loved Sacramento. He loved all of you. If he were here today…” His voice cracked, betraying him, and he closed his eyes. A deep breath and Oscar’s hand on his shoulder steadied him. He opened his eyes again, and saw his own tears mirrored in the faces of his friends… his logical family. “This place was special to him. When it was sunny out, and not too goddamned Sacramento hot…”

The audience chuckled, many of them wiping their eyes.

“…we would pack a picnic lunch and come down here to watch the water tumble by. I remember once that he told me how it fascinated him to think of where it came from. Where it was going. ‘It’s like our lives – starting as rain from the ocean, falling somewhere upstream, and carrying us past so many new places and people, only to end up back in the depths, where the water runs deep with knowledge of the past.’”

He closed his eyes, remembering the moment. Brad had touched his cheek as he said that, pulling him in close for a kiss. “You are my ocean.”

Sam didn’t share that last part—it belonged to him and him alone. He knelt next to the duffel bag, zipping it open.

Someone sniffled in the crowd.

He pulled out the urn—a beautiful black ceramic vase wrapped with a swirling rainbow band—and stood, cradling it carefully in his arms. He approached the nearest tree—a young oak—removed the lid, and knelt to scrape out a hollow space in the loamy soil all the way around the base of the trunk with his free hand. “I hope you’ll like it here, love.” He sprinkled the ashes as evenly as he could around the circle as his friends crowded around him.

When the urn was empty, he stared at the little ashen moat that was all that was left of Brad, and started to cry. The tears came slow at first, rolling down his cheek. Then it was as if a dam burst. They flooded out of him, his whole body heaving with the tumult, shuddering like a house in a tornado.

Grief pulled at him, hurricane-force winds threatening to tear him apart.

Brad had been his house, his home, the place where he was safe from the rest of the world.

Gentle hands touched him from all sides, encompassing him in their warmth. The winds of grief pulled back, circling him warily, but for a moment he was safe again. Safe like I was with Brad.

He wiped his eyes with his dirty hand, smearing mud across his cheek. Sniffing, he leaned forward to smooth the rich brown earth over the ashes.

A hundred other hands joined his, enfolding Brad in the life-giving ground from whence he’d come.

When it was done, Sam put his hand on the trunk of the tree. It was still young, with so much of its life ahead of it. “Grow toward the sky and take him with you.” He closed his eyes again, keeping the pain at bay, He held himself, feeling the bark under his palm, the sun on his back, smelling the wet river air. He never wanted to forget this moment.

“Look!” Marissa’s voice.

Sam looked up, following her gaze.

A red-tailed hawk had alighted on a branch above him, fanning out its wings and tail, so that the sun shined through the rouge feathers.

“I always liked this place.”

Sam blinked and looked around. He was all alone, except… He stood and turned.

A man was standing by the edge of the river, staring at the passing water.

“Brad?”

His husband turned, that slow grin on his face. “You didn’t think I’d leave without saying goodbye, did you?”

“Brad!” He leapt up and ran to his husband’s side, throwing his arms around him. “Please, don’t leave me.”

Brad’s comforting arms slipped around his waist. “I don’t want to. God knows I never want to let you go. But it’s time.”

Sam shook his head, burying his face in Brad’s neck. “Not if I don’t let go.”

Brad chuckled. “You always wanted to take care of me.” He loosened his grip and held Sam out at arm’s length. “You have to be strong, my love. You have great things ahead of you. I know—I’ve seen it.”

Sam choked back a sob. “I don’t want to do this without you.” Already he could feel Brad slipping away. The touch of his hands on Sam’s arms was becoming lighter, colder.

“You don’t have to. I will always be here.” Brad leaned forward and brushed Sam’s cheek with his lips, and whispered in his ear. “Whenever you see a red-tailed hawk, that’s me watching over you.”

“Only the red-tailed ones?” Sam managed a quirk of a smile.

“It’s just a metaphor, asshole.” Brad was almost transparent now.

Sam laughed in spite of himself.

“I love you, Sam.” His kind eyes were the last thing to vanish.

“I love you more.”

Then he was gone. Sam wrapped his arms around himself, pretending they were Brad’s.

“Sam, you all right?”

Sam blinked. Oscar was standing right in front of him.

His feet were wet. He looked down to see that he’d waded into the shallows of the river.

“I… don’t know.” He looked around. Brad was gone, but his friends were all waiting for him on the riverbank.

“Come on then. Let’s get you back to the car. Carmelina planned a bit of a celebration of life at her place for Brad.” He put an arm around Sam’s shoulder and led him back up to solid ground.

That sounds nice.

Something drew his gaze upward. The red-tailed hawk was circling far above, watching over him.

< Read Chapter 28 Pt One | Read Chapter 29 >

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Like what you read? if you haven’t tried it yet, check out book one, The River City Chronicles, here.