This week a new word popped into my awareness, one that’s probably been circulating for a while, and one that comes from a worldview that has become almost omnipresent in its injection into our daily lives.
See, it’s the straight white men who are oppressed. Women, gays, democrats and trans folk have been telling them for far too long that they can’t just be men and do manly things, like oppressing women, gays, democrats and trans folk. It’s really unfair.
And now the combination of our hyper-masculine co-presidents, the crypto bros, the Andrew Tates of the world and all the others who have rushed into this coalition of the nopressed has remade our world, and forced us all to live in it.
Welcome to the Manosphere.
We just finished watching two great but flawed series. Adolescence the story of a thirteen-year-old boy who stabs a female classmate to death in England, and season three of the White Lotus, which was full of fascinating ideas but at times practically dripped with toxic masculinity from its straight male characters.
Adolescence rips the veil off of the impacts the Manosphere is having on our kids. The Covid pandemic shredded the lives of a generation of teenagers, and in that gap, many teen boys found their way into the welcoming arms of Joe Rogan, Andrew Tate, and others, who legitimized their grievances and gave them targets for their anger.
Adolescence is at its most powerful [spoiler alert] in its third episode, when a psychiatrist is sent in to evaluate the young suspect. This beautiful boy was convinced by his peers that he was an ugly incel – involuntary celibate – that he was unlovable, and would never have a relationship with a girl. And these ideas empowered him to act out his rage, first with the murder, and then in a chilling tirade, literally shouting in the face of the female psychiatrist. Because in the Manoverse, no woman, no matter their authority, should have power over a man.
This angry manhood is more subtle in White Lotus, but because of that, we can see the seeds of our current situation all the more clearly in the entitlement of the male characters. One man [spoilers!] has ruined his own life, and feels entitled to end the lives of his family because of his own pain. Another man carries a personal vendetta that leads him, those he loves, and everyone around him into chaos and death.
What an apt metaphor for the moment we are living in.
Sometimes it feels like the whole Manoverse thing is just an imaginary construction that feasts on the internet and our corrupted media culture. No one I know personally acts like this. In our bifurcated reality, I step outside and the sun is shining, the air is fresh and clean after the rains, people wave at their neighbors, and things still seem normal.
But for all its nebulous nature, this toxic reinterpretation of what it means to be a man is shaking the world to its foundations via the machinations of the most powerful. The Manosphere has no moral core, no ethical grounding other than “I should get whatever I want.”
I don’t know how we step back from the edge.
All I can do is try to model what true manhood means. Craig Wilkinson, “The Dad Coach,” says it better than I can:
A man who is truly masculine embraces responsibility and loves, honours, protects and provides for his family and loved ones. He lives with integrity, motivated by conviction, not comfort or convenience. True masculinity is not determined by how much physical strength a man has but rather the strength of his character.
I believe in love. I believe in the rights of women and minorities. I believe that true strength comes from the ability to admit when we are wrong and try to do better. I believe it’s more important to listen than it is to tell. I believe that we can all learn to become better versions of ourselves, if we only try.
Until we remember the importance of “strength of his character” and stop following all of these hollow men, we will remain lost in the Manosphere’s fog. One day soon, I hope, that fog will begin to lift.
There is strength in taking your time to learn and respond when you feel threatened. There is strength in allowing others to see when you are hurt and weak. And there is strength in admitting when you are wrong.
That’s what a real man is.