My world has gotten smaller these last few weeks, as I’ve turned off news notifications, pulled the curtains closed, and endeavored to focus on those things that are real and true.
I’ve made no secret of my personal beliefs on this blog. I’m an unabashed liberal who thinks we should be doing all we can to make the world a better place – for minorities, for the poor, for the middle class, and for just about everyone else except for the billionaires.
This last week unleashed a flood-tide of horrible news for people like me, as rights were rolled back, the rich rewarded, and the poorest and most disenfranchised punished and cast out.
It’s too much to comprehend – and it was meant to be. This “flood the zone” strategy is intended to make us cower in fear, recoiling in horror at all the bad things. I touched on this a little last week, with a reminder to focus on what really matters, in my poem A Prayer for All Good Things. Today I want to take this a little farther.
Four years ago, at the start of the Biden years, it seemed impossible that we would find ourselves here again. The previous occupant of the White House was vanquished, shamed by what he did on January 6th. Even Republicans seemed ready to move on, and a new day seemed to be dawning.
Instead, the Big Lie grew and grew, nourished by the man and his movement. Delay after delay plagued the court cases against him, and the judges he appointed during his first term paid dividends last year, when all accountability was washed away, like so much mud from his shoes.
And so, here we are.
By all rights, I should be cowering in fear. We seem to be watching, in real time, a re-enactment of the 1930’s Germany, but this time with bootlicking social media owners.
Maybe the fear has burrowed so deep within my bones that I no longer even recognize it. Or maybe all the emotions jumbled up inside of me have transformed into a deep sense of numb. Like how the RGB colors become black as night, when you mix them together.
Bud did you know that when you mix all the colors of light together, you get a beam of the brightest white?
And so I have decided to make my world small, to block out the bad and search instead for the good. It’s a back-to-basics thing, more than it is a hiding away. I have resolved to allow him as little purchase in my life as I can manage, to keep his malignant presence out of my world.
In fact, one night last week, the image of the scowling orange one appeared in my head in the middle of a dream. I screamed “get the fuck out of my head.” And like the bad dream itself, he vanished into the night.
Instead, I am focusing on the things I can see and feel and touch. The warmth of my bed at night, snuggled up next to my hubby. The tumbling wet heat of the shower that blocks out all other noise. The delightful chocolate-chip crunch of a cookie, washed down with a foamy vanilla chai latte.
And I am spending more time with friends and family, and involving myself ever more deeply in my community. These are the things that are real and true and bright, and when brought together, they create a bright light that illuminates my little world.
I am not being naive. Bad things are coming our way from the sullied White House, whether it be via economic pain, being stripped of our rights, or simply the daily furnace blast of unholy petroleum heat that threatens to help burn our world to the ground.
For now, I am protecting myself and the ones I love, quietly gathering my strength, reinforcing my alliances, and preparing to stand tall when the moment comes. I will plant my feet on solid ground and lock arms with my neighbors, and together we will ride out the storm.
I will not be undone by the likes of him.
Yes, my world has gotten smaller these last few weeks. But one day it will open up again, once this dark time passes, and it will become wide enough to span the heavens.
We will be ready.